Bittersweet
by Calico Yorki
Summary: A songfic in which Slade gets business done, and gives me material for a crackfic. Rated T for a few curse words and suggestive themes.


_"I'm just setting...I'm just setting a trap..."_

Slade half-hummed the merry song to himself, dragging a heavy cord across the outskirts of the room so as to hook it into a machine, cleverly disguised as a boulder.

_"And I'm not pulling, I'm not pulling for you. You're just pulling at meee. I'm not a betting man, but this is a sure thing."_

He departed to a little antechamber, so as to flip a series of switches, then casually knock a wheel so that it spun until it came to a stop. This allowed a violently green liquid to begin churning in vats below his feet, and course up into plastic tubes.

_"I've been to Tokyo, and to South Africa. So many places...And you may say I've seen it all! But my favorite place, is in the warm embraaace...Of holding your hair back in a bathroom stall."_

Finally, he located Terra. Having recovered from her amnesia and been recaptured, she had promptly stolen some silverware. Without acknowledging the new, musical Slade, she jabbed the two forks into an electrical socket and began to scream, smoke pouring from her frail body. Slade proceeded to whip his leg under her feet, and in one movement, hefted the unconscious, staring girl over his shoulder. A good mousetrap needed a tasty treat for the rats, after all.

_"Everything I do is bittersweet! You can tell me secrets that I'd probably repeat!"_

Lifting Terra's cell phone, Slade sent a message for help to the Titans. He estimated that he'd have enough time to make tea, if Cinderblock didn't make a complete horse's ass of his assignment to stall the youths. Of course, failure was always an option, and thus Slade had paid Doctor Light to rob a jewelry store. He was very easily plied with videos from a school girl changing room.

_"I'm not trying to hurt you, I just love to speak! It feels like we're pulling teeth, so bittersweet. Guess that's how it's gotta be! Guess that's how it's gotta be."_

A few finishing touches, Terra tied up to a fake bomb in the center of a large platform, in addition to being gagged by a random pair of panties - Slade had no idea whose they were; they were white with red rocket ships, whilst he wore a dark blue satin net affair - now it was just time to wait. That meant a half-full glass of a heady bordeaux while the tea brewed.

_"All that haaate, is gonna burn! You! Up! It keeps me warm at night - warmer than anyone!"_

Strangely, Raven was the first to arrive. Wasn't she supposed to hate Terra most of all? Oh, well. Her eyes turned red when she saw Terra's state, and she prepared to twist Slade's body out of shape with her magic. However, she was suddenly struck by a crippling pain, and fell - bound by chains of magical runes. The grimoire of demons chained to the 'bomb' had seen to it that her magic was nullified.

_"I think how many drinks I've had, no more in either hand. I'm slurring on purpose, and it's certainly worth it!"_

Starfire and Cyborg arrived soon after. Infuriated, they combined eye lasers and Sonic cannon into a terrific aquamarine blast. Slade observed the finished wine glass, and took out a small metal rod. He lightly traced it, trying to find a specific tone. He found it just before the blast could impact him, and resonators around the room captured the blast in a sound field. The glorious backfire dazed both Starfire and Cyborg, the latter of which became damaged in his circuits and could not rise from his kneeling position.

_"You can tell me secrets that I'd probably repeat. I'm not trying to hurt you: I just love to speak! It feels like we're pulling teeth - so bittersweet."_

Beast Boy stamped in as a furious elephant, and promptly entered the range of a genetic scrambling beam. The sickly yellowish-green ray enervated him, reverting him back to a slackjawed green teenager. He desperately clawed for Terra, but didn't even have the strength to hold her hand. This brought about a look of despair in Raven.

_"Guess that's how it's gotta be. Guess that's how it's gotta be! Guess thats how it's gottaaaa beeeee! You and me, another travesty, it's such a mystery why you're here..."_

And there was Robin. He saw his prone friends, and understood. Laying all of his weapons down, he took one step closer. The motion sensor tripped, and flung a frying pan into his face. Stars were almost visibly circling his head, as he struggled to hold onto consciousness. Now, Slade rose up, to retrieve his cup of tea. The trap was done up, and now, it was time for the plan to be completed.

_"And you became clear as cellophane. My voice of reasoning...I don't think I can take the way you make me out to be. I'm just setting, I'm just setting a trap! And I'm not pulling, no! I'm not pulling for you!"_

With the tea finished, he placed the cup on top of the saucer, and both on a pressure panel in order to trigger the mechanism. A glass cylinder rose up around the Titans, straight up to the ceiling. The harlequin green liquid gushed in, before the demonic grimoire arced with molten darkness over. It began to swirl with scarlet fury, lifting all of six youths within up into the air.

_"Everything I do is bittersweet. You can tell me secrets that I'll probably repeat! I'm not trying to hurt you, I just love to speak! It feels like we're pulling teeth, so bittersweet! It feels like we're pulling teeth, so bittersweet!"_

The glass finally shettered into powder, as the scarlet energy was sucked into all six of the young heroes. They were covered in crimson markings similar to when Raven's demon side attempted to dominate, and all were now mindless slaves to Slade's will. Oh, what fun they'd have together.

_"Feels like we're pulling teeth, so bittersweet."_


End file.
